Thursday, March 19, 2015

Whispers of comfort

There are those times when I'm pumping around the clock, or when my little man is napping that I wonder what I should be doing. I usually have a host of things I'm crossing off a list at any given moment, but lately I've felt almost dumbfounded. Should I catch up on something, do laundry, eat, sleep, check on our expenses, pray, read, write, cry, laugh, call someone? It is those moments that I realize my heart and spirit are trying to catch up with all the changes that have flooded my mind these past two weeks. I went for a desperate walk the other day and just tried to focus my thoughts. I realized that I actually wouldn't trade places with anyone right now. As hard as it's been, I feel like this is really living. I really don't want an easy life, cause that just means I'm not going to have much to offer those who are hurting; plus, I've seen more goodness in the past couple of weeks and felt more purposeful than I have in a long time. I can see life with a new lens for a bit, and focus on what really matters. So it's not that I hate what's happening, I just can't seem to compartmentalize it all because I've felt things hitting on every side of my life. It's not just our precious Levi or Silas, it seems like things have been hitting from all random sides.

Yet, I've recognize a constant whisper of God's voice that can't be denied, and it's just a fresh breeze to my soul. Every so often, Silas will just look at me, pucker up his lips and say, Uh vu mommy! (love you mommy!) It's like he knows I just need a break and need to be loved for a moment. Then there was last night: Matthew and I were driving home from the hospital. The picture of his radio is broken, so we can't tell what station we are listening to, but all of a sudden I thought I heard the radio personality say, "miracle baby stories." It caught my ear, so I turned up the volume. They proceeded to take a call from a young teenage girl. She sweetly explained that she was born 12 weeks early (the same as LEVI!) and that she really appreciated all the love and care she received in the hospital and everyone that prayed for her when she was born. She said she wanted to encourage moms and dads of preemies because she's "been dancing for 7 years and she's doing just fine." She said it's tough to go through, as her parents told her, but that everything would be okay.   Seriously!  I instantly felt chills and started crying. God was whispering right to me.
Finally, when I see the hardship of some that we know experiencing cancer treatments on their three-month old, I hear God again whispering. It's that perspective change we all need in this broken world. It's truth that I cannot deny. I am loved. My family is dearly loved, and God wants us to share our stories so that His love can be known.

A few ways we can keep praying:
~Pray for our friends baby, Whit, to be healed from cancer!
~Pray for Levi's second cardiologist report today and his ability to get off the vent!
~Pray that Levi's blood count goes up so that he doesn't need a transfusion!
~Pray for Silas to stop getting a fever every 12 hours!
~Pray for our family to continue to be a light to all we meet though this!

Thank you for your prayers!

--Comforted Buster

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