Thursday, December 14, 2017

Snow and Sorrow






I've been fortunate enough to have never lost a grandparent that I was old enough to remember until this past week. My sweet Jaja was 80 years old and battling the awful Alzheimer's when she suddenly took a turn for the worse. Thankfully she no longer has to live in a body that she wasn't designed to endure. The "afterlife" isn't a conversation many people enjoy discussing especially at Christmastime, (even though Christmas is all about Jesus coming into the world in order to die), but I think most of us agree, we want to feel that those we love are at peace during and after they pass regardless of the time of year. But I can't help but point out that just as we are not in control of when and how the body is formed in a mother's womb, we are not in control of when and how we leave this world. Sure, we try to take that control away with modern conveniences, but in the end, we do not get to have it all our own way. This leads me to believe, we were not in control from the beginning. Just as the story of Adam and Eve shows two people deceived by their own desire for control and the temptation of evil, we too want to make up our own happy ending regardless of what God tells us is true. He is not to blame for sickness, heartache, death or despair, but He surely gives us a real comfort and joy when we know him as Father before we die. I'm truly thankful my Jaj knew her Father and Savior, and she is rejoicing with so many others in heaven today.

I saw God's hand in the unexpected and unnatural seven inches of snow that fell this December at our home. It was a beautiful white blanket of newness and change. It was like my grandma was smiling and laughing with us. As we all began to feel the childlike joy of snow, we breathed a little deeper in the sweet goodness that still exists in this world.

Moreover, even though Levi's GI doc wasn't thrilled with his continued snail-pace wight gain, we enjoyed watching him continuously eat snow as if he was is a contest to prove his doctor wrong. We are grateful that my grandmother got to meet and love Levi, her miracle great-grandson. She lived a picture of a wonderful wife, an adoring mother, and a zest for life that I hope to emulate throughout my days on earth.
















~Sorrow Buster

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Predictions and waiting

I remember when I was pregnant with my first baby, and we decided to wait on finding out the gender. It was astonishing how many people were certain they "knew" my unborn child's sex, and the certainty was for both gender camps. Other people were merely astonished that we could wait at all. Most people are not very good at waiting because there is very little that we have to wait for in today's immediate gratification era. I'm certain that soon there will be a market for finding out your child's gender as soon as you find out your pregnant (although based on anatomy, I will doubt its legitimacy.) We have discovered ways to make everything faster and faster. Personally, I am thankful for the microwave as much as the next busy mom, but I've learned that patience is a muscle that when flexed enough, begins to be quite appealing. As I watch my little ones wait for Christmas morning, I have begun to accept the goodness in the wait. Too often the actual event that we are waiting for either doesn't live up to our expectations or merely can't be compared to our expectations.

Ecclesiastes 7:14 says, "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future." While I may be "good" at waiting on gender reveals or G-tube extractions, I am not very good at leaving my predictions at the door. However, the last sentence of this verse really cut me to the core. Because I am a planner (yes you can wait on the gender and still plan for a baby), I like to be prepared for what's ahead. I try to predict every sniffle or tummy ache as impending spreadable disease. I try to predict every good night's sleep as a potentially great start to the day. Yet the opposite of my predictions often occurs. The time in between, those times of waiting, making Christmas cookies, building gingerbread houses, wrapping presents, decorating or planning for each new season, tend to be sweet times that don't always receive the consideration they are due.
Last Christmas I was so excited to give Silas his first bike, but Christmas morning brought a nasty ear infection to my little man. Along the same vein, there have been blissful days of joy and laughter in our home that aren't marked by any special calendar date. There's no way to really know anything about our future, despite our best efforts at predictions. We must enjoy the present moment whether good or bad, it will not last forever.
When we wait for a job, a spouse, a season, a child, we get to expectantly enjoy the advent or arrival of something. Yet, like the predicted king arriving in a smelly stable, what we expect is usually nothing like what we imagined.  So enjoy the in between. Enjoy your waiting season.

We will wait and see what Levi's GI doc has to say on Monday, but in the mean time, I am thanking God he continues to eat by mouth, and grow just a little each day.

These boys couldn't wait to find leaf piles!

This boy can never wait patiently anywhere. He's king of his own hill.

While he's showing he's scared of many new things, he also has a sweet independence that I adore.

This growing boy doesn't seem scared of too much.... except for Santa...

The only way to get the two littles near Santa was for mommy and daddy to pose too. 

The boys couldn't wait to decorate the tree.

I always wanted to go crazy with tinsel as a little girl, so I had to let them.

But my grownup side had to clean it up. :) 
~Waiting Buster

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving = Giving Thanks

Thankful for Silas great school

Thankful I could go watch him sing

Thankful for this boys heart



Thankful for dates with my little man

Thankful this boy wants to be like his big brother

Thankful for Kyra's turkey cookies


Thankful we can visit our NICU nurses with gratitude

Thankful for this one bringing me so much joy


Thankful my dad made it to 60!


Thankful for thankful balloons even if they scared Roman


Thankful for little helpers


Thankful the boys have such an amazing dad

Thankful this one didn't break any bones without training wheels!

Thankful for joy

Thankful 

Happy Thanksgiving!  We are thankful for each one of you!

~Thankful Buster

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Sometimes...

Sometimes I think all my children have G-tubes and I avoid tickling them all near the mid-left side of their stomachs...
Sometimes I look at Levi and remember what he looked like lying in his isolate wondering if he'd ever make it out alive...
Sometimes I forget to be grateful and I assume all my children should thank me daily for taking time to feed, clothe, and bathe them daily...
Sometimes I forget that my four-year old is only four because of his profound ability to communicate...
Sometimes I look at my one-year old and remember how faithful God has been to give us another healthy baby...
Sometimes I want to have fifty children because I can't get enough of my sweet boys...
Sometimes I want to yell and ask all my children to leave me alone...
Sometimes I want to tell everyone how fragile life is and to not sweat the small stuff...
Sometimes I sweat the small stuff...
Sometimes I want Levi to keep his G-tube so we can always have a visible reminder of God's miraculous hand...
Sometimes I want to pull out Levi's G-tube and just tell the doc it closed up by accident...
Sometimes I think I'm a great mom and wife...
Sometimes I think I'm a horrific mom and wife...
Sometimes I wish I were already in Heaven...
Sometimes I want to live until I'm a great-grandmother...
Sometimes I sing and dance and make music in my house...
Sometimes we sit quietly trying to find an ounce of patience left in our bones...
Sometimes my boys are all trying to be like each other and looking to grow up like someone they trust and admire...

Always, I hope that my hubby and I can look more like Jesus, so our little men will desire to look like Him too...












~Always Buster