Saturday, June 13, 2015
In the same way that nurses confess to the stereotypical truth of the "whimpy white boy," teachers also stereotype the poor kids with hovering "helicopter moms." I have sworn up and down that after my experience with said parents that I'd never be one myself. It's inevitable, though, that parents will cling a bit more to the control of their first child because every stage is in effect a new one. Have you seen that commercial with the new mom asking every single person entering her home to lather in antibacterial while she protects daughter from every possible hiccup or scraped knee. Then, the second child arrives, and she asks the grease-covered mechanic to please hold him while she gets her checkbook. The reason this commerical is funny is because we all know it tends to be true.
I thought that I was pretty adventerous with Silas though, (taking him out of the country, not calling the doctor every time he was sick, etc.) but of course we can only view things from our own perspective, not someone else's. I find myself already anxiously concerned about the influences and foundations that are being laid in Silas' life. Shouldn't this parental stress assume itself when Silas is older and his peers are of greater influence than his parents? Yet it's not as black and white as we would like to imagine. If it were that simple, then we'd all follow a formula and always get the same solution. No matter how hard we try, no matter how many books we read, no matter how many people we talk to, we are a flawed race that creates flawed children. It is only by the grace of God that we can forgive each other our mistakes and seek to better ourselves.
Since I cannot control the physical development of my second son, I think I'm more eager to control the emotionl and spiritual development of my first. One would assume that I've learned a great deal about giving up parental control since Levi is under the care of complete strangers, twenty-four hours a day, but like most of life's hardest lessons, I doubt I'll conquer this one the first, second, or even third time I'm tested. As stated many times before, there is peace in recognizing none of us is ever in control of the outcome. We simply learn what to eliminate in order to have a clearer picture for fighting against the next hardship. This is exactly what the doctors are doing for Levi again today-
--After several great days with Levi, he started having Apnea again last night and I was witness to many episodes this morning. Thus, the doctor has him back on a fraction of oxygen (low flow canula) until they can figure out the issue. It may be the NG feedings (his stomach can't handle food), it may be something neurologic (still waiting on blood work), it may be that they stopped his caffeine to soon (sleep study has been ordered for next week). We wait, we sigh, we choose to trust and take every moment as it's given to us.
Thank you for continuing to pray. I am encouraged by so many other people facing so many of their own mountains, yet still anxious to help us get to the top of ours.
God bless you!