Coffee CubBuster

There is a very significant difference between a surprise and a shock. I for one love surprises because they tend to be fun and spontaneous in nature. However, a shock typically insights a negative emotion. When the body goes into shock, it's seeking to paralyze our system in order to keep us from overloading. If we knew a shocking event were going to occur before it did, it probably wouldn't hurt as much. It's the unexpected and unpreparedness that feels debilitating. For instance, when we lost a baby in between our two boys, had someone told me that I could get pregnant again very quickly, but I'd have to endure a premature baby with many special needs, I would not have been in such emotional distress when Levi was born. I would have been a little more at rest knowing what the future held. I also would not have traded getting to be Levi's mom for anything; I wouldn't go back in time and decide to remain a family of three. However, when a distressing shock impa...

Without going into all the details, I am excited to say the ball seems to be rolling for little Levi. We would love your prayers as we prepare for an important meeting on Monday with his entire "care team." We have several questions that need to be answered before we take next steps, and we will sit down together to hash out the details regarding his discharge plan. PRAISES- - Levi has done so much better off the NG tube and only keeping his intestinal feeds going (TP tube).  - Levi just about weighs enough for a G tube surgery! - A different GI doctor randomly stopped by yesterday and agreed with our plan to rid him of any nasal or oral tubes and move forward with a G tube and stomach wrap! - Levi had a successful circumcision yesterday! - Levi passed his hearing test! But he had some fluid in his ears, so a follow-up visit will happen in the next month. - We've had several great visits with Levi! - Silas has been such a ball of joy! PRAYERS- - Questi...

Happy Father's Day daddy! A dancer learns early on that in order to keep from getting dizzy while turning through multiple pirouettes, "spotting" is key. You have to keep your eyes on one designated spot ahead of you and maintain your eye contact with that spot as long as possible while you spin. I'm sure a tight rope walker would vouch for the same type of focus while balancing on a piece of wire. When you start to look around at your surroundings the room can begin to spin, you fear all the possible injuries that seem to currently await you, and you forget your core strength. When Jesus told Peter to join him by foot out on the big blue sea, Peter quickly jumped at the chance as a child fearlessly jumps into his father's trustworthy arms. However, when Peter lost his focus on Jesus and began to look around, he realized the insanity of what he was doing. The wind was blowing, the water was cold and dark, and no doubt he thought about the fact that he was a m...

Instead of rejoicing in our most recent news regarding Levi's clear blood test, I have sadly had two rather unsettling days. Personally, I think this happened because Satan would love nothing more than for me to neglect giving God any kind of glory, and instead work to rebuild fears regarding our future. First off, Levi's extended continuity of care had to change. Nurses have been out, and doctors have rotated shifts. New eyes mean new opinions and new obstacles surfacing. I've heard some new information this week that I've had to process through my own lens of  experience. I have been told more than once that there is a good chance Levi will skip the whole bottle/nursing phase altogether and end up eating his first oral feedings with solid food. If you read between the lines, this prediction means Levi will have a feeding tube for at least the next nine months. I also heard the first prediction at a discharge date:  in the next month. Yet I've also learned not...

Silas enjoyed his first cone with his own ice cream scoop. A magical moment. One of life's most difficult lessons occurs shortly after your first birthday, and it's rarely ever grasped even into adulthood. I witnessed Silas' struggle with it at a recent birthday party for one of his buddies. There were of course an abundance of new toys at the party. However, when Silas saw another boy grab a nearby tractor, the two of them began a tug of war contest that I somehow ended up refereeing. When Silas didn't get to win round one, I watched him struggle to fight back intense tears of frustration. No other toy would soothe his pain; no words of wisdom could melt his impatience. Yet in a matter of moments, the boy grew bored with the simple machinery, and it was left all alone for Silas to embrace. Thus, we begin the teachable moment... before entering any toy-infested environment we pray: God, please help us to share and take turns. If we want something we can't hav...

In the same way that nurses confess to the stereotypical truth of the "whimpy white boy," teachers also stereotype the poor kids with hovering "helicopter moms." I have sworn up and down that after my experience with said parents that I'd never be one myself. It's inevitable, though, that parents will cling a bit more to the control of their first child because every stage is in effect a new one. Have you seen that commercial with the new mom asking every single person entering her home to lather in antibacterial while she protects daughter from every possible hiccup or scraped knee. Then, the second child arrives, and she asks the grease-covered mechanic to please hold him while she gets her checkbook. The reason this commerical is funny is because we all know it tends to be true. I thought that I was pretty adventerous with Silas though, (taking him out of the country, not calling the doctor every time he was sick, etc.) but of course we can only view ...

 Silas recently flipped forcefully through the delicate pages of my worn Bible and said "mommy read this!" In an effort to maintain my precious reading time, I decided to tell him one quick parable in the most enthusiastic way I could muster. I assumed he'd be bored with Biblical history in a hurry and shut my Bible while loudly pronouncing, "All done!" as he's done so many times before. But for some reason this time he was enthralled with the story of the Lost Sheep . While it might have something to do with my over-dramatic pronunciations and hand gestures, I think deep down, we are all amazed by a man who would leave all of his secured income to chase after one tiny component of his employment. Now, Silas wants me to read the "sheep story" every time he catches a glimpse of me reading God's word. After multiple recitations, it struck me again how amazing it is to be loved by God. It's not about the man trying to maintain his livelihoo...

The word "covet" is one of those "churchy" words that you rarely use outside of Biblical understanding; however, here's how Mirriam Webster defines covet: :   to wish for earnestly < covet an award> :   to desire (what belongs to another) inordinately or culpably   Coveting comes quite naturally as one sees in young children. They are usually only fighting over a toy when the other finds it interesting. It's not until someone else has something we can see that we want it. Without the visual reminder, we rarely struggle because the comparison is nonexistent.    Likewise, I find myself strangely envious of very pregnant women these days. One would assume I'd feel somewhat lucky that I eluded the difficult third trimester. No swollen limbs; no uncomfortable sleep; no aching, stretching, or excessive weight gain. But I really would take all of that in stride and joy if I could trade the difficulties of the past few months. Then...

Levi, I cannot believe you are already three months old. I've never been more proud of you my sweet, second son. I am watching you fight to swallow, cry as hard as you can, and try your best to communicate with all who care for you. I hope and pray that you won't have any more setbacks, that your muscles will develop properly, that you'll come home healthy and able to eat, and most of all, that my voice and my arms will give you comfort even though they've been absent so much these past few months. Every mother wants jealously to be the one her children run to for love and care, just as our true Father desires for us to run to Him first. I understand that jealousy a little more now as I watch you recognize the voices of your sweet nurses. I want desperately to make your life easier, but I remember that this is just the first of many trials in your life of which I can only sit an the sidelines and call out that I love you! I try not to think too much about how little...

Why is it that so often when we get exactly what we've been asking for, we begin to doubt it's actually a good thing? Maybe it's just me, but too often when one of my wishes comes true, I believe it's "too good to actually be true." When that perfect guy comes along, we know that there's some secret we have yet to uncover. When our toddler finally sleeps in a little late, we decide it's a bad sign, and he must be coming down with a new virus. When our little Levi is finally on the "low flow" (last stage of oxygen) I hold my breath and wait for him to get "too tired" again and end up back on the ventilator. Yes that's right.... for the past 24 hours, little Levi has been on the "low flow," or the "old man tank" as I like to call it, with just fractions of 100 percent oxygen streaming in his nostrils. Instead of jumping for joy, I became the proverbially "doubting Thomas." In reality this i...