Coffee CubBuster

There are times when I feel almost too tired to pray, or just prayerfully uninspired. However, it is those moments that I begin to realize why we believe in the "mysterious" Holy Spirit. Not only does God's spirit speak for me and teach me how to pray, but I've been utterly astounded at all the prayers we are receiving around the globe from other people lifting us up in our weakness. Our little tiny family, who is no more special than another, is being covered with prayers all over the Southeast, New England, Nevada, California, Arizona, Italy, Japan, and Israel to name a few! It's utterly astounding to hear that prayers are whispered on our behalf from people we have never met and may never get the chance to thank. As I dryly moved throughout the week, I desperately wanted something look forward to. While celebrations will come and go, I realized that many people want to escape their reality through various modes of coping. However, it is in the reality that w...

The word "longsuffering" is synonymous with patience, yet it wasn't until this season of my life that I understood how they could share the same meaning. At times I may not feel as if I am truly suffering in any way, but my patience is forced to grow because our length of suffering is extended. People continuously ask me if I have any idea when Levi will be at home with us. Unfortunately, I really don't know, nor do any of the doctors or nurses caring for Levi. Only God and Levi know that one. I didn't get a great report today from the doctor.... not bad.... just not awesome. Just the same minor setbacks and waiting, waiting, waiting on what will happen next. Levi's abdomen is not 100 percent clear, but looking much better! They do believe he has a minor case of NEC colitis, but because of so much prayer (in my humble opinion) it is a very very minor case. Thank you! They believe it's this minor colon infection because his white blood cell count was so l...

Please send up some quick prayers for little Levi. The doctor decided to do an x-ray on Levi's abdomen due to the severe choking and spitting up. It turns out his intestines were swollen. This can be extremely serious and indicate a form of colitis or infection in his colon. Levi was immediately tested for the infection, given antibiotics in case the tests were positive, taken off of all feedings, given IV fluids to maintain his nutrition, and put into a different kind of bed to access the IVs quicker. Thankfully the first two tests came back negative, but because it's so serious, the doctor said they have to continue as if it's a false negative for another couple of days before they'll ween the antibiotics and re-introduce milk slowly. If the x-rays and tests continue to show a negative infection, the swelling could also be an indicating an allergic reaction. I don't have details on that yet, but please pray that this is in fact what they call a "minor setba...

 Words really are some of the most powerful weapons in the world. Even the Bible would agree with me as there are numerous occasions to note in scripture where our speech produces catastrophic or life-giving results: thus, my eternal love for language. Recently at the hospital, I was on the receiving end of some words that were not meant to sting, but in fact created more swelling than the speakers ever realized. The last two days, Levi has struggled with some reflux and digestion issues. Since eating has always been part of his positive remarks, I was of course disappointed. Moreover, it may be the culprit of his most recent episodes. In fact I've not been able to really hold him because he's had those episodes right in my arms. Last night, Levi's numbers began to come down as I rested him against me, and he very quickly turned a blue-grey color and both his oxygen and heart-rate dropped dramatically. As several nurses came to the rescue to stimulate and help him recover...

Just when I thought I might have to stop running the marathon and begin walking at my own sorry pace, I was given glimpses of pure joy and hope that now keep my pace to a slow jog. As I began to feel a lack of patience and a lousy perspective, from a lack of sleep and a stunted routine, my two year old reminded me of the joy in puddles. In the same vein of lemons, the rain was not a mood killer for the Silas. Instead, it was as if he had never experienced the utter ecstasy of jumping into standing water and watching the ripples rise around his ankles. As much as I wanted to return to the dryness of our home, I had to linger to capture his adventure, and do a little stomping of my own.  For some reason, Silas has decided to begin waking up in the middle of the night, as well as argue against the coveted afternoon nap. I'm told this is a common phase with all his new found imagination, but I think he's still trying to compete with Levi. Nevertheless, I am maintaining a shortn...

Some days we just need that extra shot of espresso, or the second cup of coffee just to make it until tomorrow. Those days have been more frequent for me lately. The last 24 hours has led me to ask for some extra shout out prayers and coffee shots. Nothing devastating, just another rough patch after a nice stride. First, please pray for Matthew and I. Not only are we tired, but Matthew had a fever last night. We aren't sure what it was, and he seems a little better today, but I think the stress of everything has caught up to him, so I'm praying that Silas and I will stay healthy so that we can manage and continue to see our little Levi well. I went to see my tiny man late last night. I haven't missed a day yet, and I pray to God I never have to skip a visit. Holding his strong hand, I realized how much I wish I could rock him to sleep every night. When my husband and children are not safe, comfortable, and peaceful, I don't feel like I am either. I've never had ...

Now that Levi has been off the vent for a little while and on the bubble CPAP (seen above), we have been encouraged to hold him every day! He can't be out of the isolate (incubator) for more than about an hour a day right now, so Matthew and I have traded off days for holding time. My Tuesday and Thursday mornings fill my heart as I get some one-on-one time with this little scrunch. Some nurses call it "head gear" and others call it "scuba gear" for obvious reasons, but it's hard to see his precious features under all that stuff, but let me assure you, he is beautiful. :) Thank you so much for your prayers too! Levi's brain scan came back clear (but he'll probably have one or two more before he's out of the hospital to check the maturation), and he's starting to fill out a little each day.... around 3 pounds 7 ounces.  This past weekend, I felt like I actually knew how to take care of little Levi for the first time!  I was holding...

I am so very proud of all my boys right now. I feel like we've hit a little stride in this marathon. Silas is two today! He's rocking it in the big-boy underwear with only a handful of accidents. Little Levi is also rocking it on the cPap bubble gum (off the training wheels but still has mommy and daddy holding the back of the bike if we are sticking with this analogy). And my amazing husband is leading our family decisions, carrying those extra loads at our house, and handling details with regard to real-life logistics all so that I can breathe a little extra air. I just thank God daily for creating Matthew. He also held Levi for the first time! (Had to rip off the band aid and trust he wouldn't break him.) He said he finally felt like a daddy of two and not just some weird hospital pregnancy on my part. One of the things I hate most in the world is stressing, worrying, and even thinking frequently about temporal, surface-level, materialistic, (albeit normal) worldly stu...

I don't know who invented those cute little monthly signs for the first year of babies' lives, but I didn't know anything about it when I had Silas. I'm kind of glad I didn't do it though, cause poor Levi wouldn't have quite the same pizazz that his older brother did (or any full term baby for that matter) at one month.  Today is that day. Happy 1 month on this Earth sweet Levi! It has flown by more than you could possibly imagine with a plethora of medical knowledge and tubes and monitors I'd rather forget. But I will never ever regret your arrival for a minute. You've changed my life for the better already, and I thank God for this past month of learning and leaning. This past week I've been able to see amazing ways that God has given me glimpses of my future in the past. Two years ago Silas came into this world, and he too went into the amazing Northside NICU as a full-term infant because of some fluid he ingested at birth. With fear and unce...

Thank you so much for praying!  Little Levi does not have Sepsis, and he's finishing up on His UTI antibiotics.  He's also been off of the ventilator since Thursday afternoon! He is on those training wheels I mentioned (the vent connected to the bubble cPap), which is a step in the right direction. Levi has had a few "episodes," one that I witnessed and could barely hold back tears as the doctor had to manually pump air into his lungs. However, we are consistently told that this is common for a preemie his size, and he could still go back to the vent if he's tired after a several days, but we are hopeful and praying for the best. One night nurse told us that he had too many episodes for her liking, so she called the doctor Friday night. Doc said if he dropped his stats one more time he would have to go back on the vent. He didn't do it the rest of the night! He's already listening and doesn't want to have a tube stuck down his throat if he can help it!...

As an English teacher, I love words, lexicon, phonics, and the like. It's so interesting to me that a word can mean one thing to one person, and something completely different to someone else. The title of this post for instance may seem negative to many people, but really it's meant to be a positive adjective for my current mindset. If you've ever heard the song, " Overwhelmed " by Big Daddy Weave, you'll understand what I mean. I was just overwhelmed with good, rich love today. I have felt the love and prayers of so many that it's enabled me to feel God. I'm overwhelmed by what His love looks like in this world. My sweet students, whom I have left to care for my boys, put together a gorgeous array of real and handmade flowers with tear-jerking cards, and abounding generous gifts; Matthew received a precious handmade card from a co-worker's child for our little Levi. Then there was the hold- I got to embrace my baby, skin to skin, today, ...