Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Difficult transition

My paradoxical life has taken a huge transitional road recently. At times I feel nothing but an overwhelming sense of gratitude and thanksgiving, yet I also struggle with the constant shifting and changing of my daily life. It's an internal battle I hate to admit. Just when I think I have some control and understanding over my new routine, it changes again. Along the same vein, just when my precious baby boy started sleeping through the night, he decided to begin breaking free of his swaddle blanket and waking up alarmed. Yet, he didn't really want to be free because his jerky arm reflex hasn't subsided,  and it scares him into alertness sooner than his tired eyes would like. Thus, we have tried to swaddle him with his arms out during the day, but this too doesn't seem to be the right road. So he's sleeping less, as am I, and we both begin to get a bit cranky by the end of the day. A solution is hard to find... But isn't this how we all are?
We want God to "swaddle" us tight. We want his protective arms around us so that nothing bad can touch us. We don't want anything awful to infect us or any hardship to befall us, so we ask Him to please protect us with His gracious and strong arms. But deep down, we want to break free of His control over our lives. We want our arms free to make whatever decisions we want. We want to go and do whatever pleases us, but our jerky reflex of selfishness and pride awakens us to our awful nature and often scares us into running back to our father and crying for help. What is the solution?
As we begin to grow more with God and our confidence that comes from Him, we can find peace in the freedom He has given us because we follow close to His perfect path. Other times we simply rest easy waiting on Him to lead us as we revert back to our infancy and let our Father hold us tightly down the new unknown path.

It's all about perspective...
Who said double chins aren't cute?
Just when you think you can't figure it all out, you see a smile and nothing else matters anymore.

~CoffeeCubBuster

2 comments:

  1. Ah, friend, what a beautiful, honest, and poignant post about both your relationship/journey as Silas's mama, but also about the very same with our forever-faithful Father whom we must trust implicitly...through everything. I love you, girl, and thank you, as always, for your compassionate and thoughtful musings...

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