Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Motherhood, Mice, and Medicine

If we all look like a hot mess in this picture it's because it was 90 degrees and the weekend was a bit of a mess. Instead of rose petals and fireworks for mother's day, we were simply trying to hold down our breakfast during this selfie. Thank goodness Silas was the only one with the 24 hour stomach bug. The good Lord spared the rest of us, but it was touch and go there for a while. When Si-man started coming around late Saturday, I decided to do a little finger-painting in the unfinished basement just in case we had any other bodily fluids to clean up. While Matthew masked up and visited Levi, I left Silas alone for just a moment to grab some water upstairs. When I returned he said excitedly, "Mommy look!" "What is it buddy?" I looked in the direction he was pointing and gasped as a small critter was hiding behind some Matthew's tools. Breathing heavily I looked for a weapon, but could only think to grab our paint pallette (a brown paper bag) and open the sliding glass door. The next three minutes consisted of me screaming bloody murder and fighting to keep the rodent away from myself and my child. I finally managed to scoop it out the door, and I realized I may have scarred my two-year old for life. When I turned in preparation to console him, he was still sitting happily with his paintbrush and said, "Mouse in house. Get out mouse. Get out of house!" Apparently he reads too much Dr. Suess. I was the only one who needing some consoling.

With all that we have had going on, I began to be sorely upset on Mother's Day. But I realized that it's really kind of silly for Hallmark to self-impose expectations for moms on a certain day of the year, when mother's should be celebrated every day. When you become a parent, you begin a journey of forced selflessness. As difficult as this is for some, it's a lifestyle shift that I hope master, and it started by me looking at all of my blessings this past Sunday instead of my selfish desires. I made another very significant decision this past week too. I have decided to be a full-time mommy. I have yet to tackle this title, and even sought to fill my plate with additional titles these past two years. Somewhere along the line I began to believe the notion that I wouldn't be viewed the same unless I actually did it all: wife, mother, and employee. While there is never one right path for everyone, God continuously shut doors and made it completely clear that I was suppose to stay home with my boys right now, and that includes my husband. I will miss my sweet students, but I also feel incredibly grateful that God has given me this opportunity. It is truly a "death to self" as you seek to make a home that can grow your family closer and closer to the original design.

Levi's continued NICU care as certainly affirmed this decision. Without going into too many details, I can tell you that his MRI was deemed "inconclusive" yesterday because he couldn't stay still long enough even with morphine. However, the images they did capture didn't show anything significant, so the doctor wants to wait until he's much better and only on the last stage of oxygen assistance before performing another MRI. Levi is scheduled to be extubated (off the vent) today and be viewed by the ENT this evening! He also may or may not have another bladder infection, but we will no for sure tomorrow. This also means that he's on more meds and off food until they can confirm it tomorrow. Little Levi has ingested more medicine into his tiny system than I've had in my lifetime. Every nurse and tech that sees him is amazed at how much "secretions" his little body makes. I know that I'm no doctor, but I can't help but think he's trapped in a vicious cycle. He can't eat by mouth until he's breathing is stable, but that means his mouth gets dry, gooey, and filled with secretions. Then he chokes and gags and can't breathe. If he could talk, I think he'd say, please give me a cup of water and I'll breathe better! Either way, God's still carrying us all through this.

Please pray for my baby boy's--
Breathing
Brain
Bladder
Belly
Blood
Bones
and whole Body

Thank you with all our hearts. Thank you!

I couldn't have my boys at the same time for mother's day, so I brought this picture instead. Silas on the left at 6 weeks and Levi on the right at 9 weeks. Holding one boy in my arms and the other with my thumb. Thank you God for letting me mother these sweet gifts.

~MotherBuster

1 comment:

  1. Choking up at work right now...all I know is God loves you and your sweet family SO MUCH. The Holy Spirit is telling me this now otherwise not really sure why I'm cutting onions at work right now the way I am...

    ReplyDelete