Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Motherhood, Mice, and Medicine
With all that we have had going on, I began to be sorely upset on Mother's Day. But I realized that it's really kind of silly for Hallmark to self-impose expectations for moms on a certain day of the year, when mother's should be celebrated every day. When you become a parent, you begin a journey of forced selflessness. As difficult as this is for some, it's a lifestyle shift that I hope master, and it started by me looking at all of my blessings this past Sunday instead of my selfish desires. I made another very significant decision this past week too. I have decided to be a full-time mommy. I have yet to tackle this title, and even sought to fill my plate with additional titles these past two years. Somewhere along the line I began to believe the notion that I wouldn't be viewed the same unless I actually did it all: wife, mother, and employee. While there is never one right path for everyone, God continuously shut doors and made it completely clear that I was suppose to stay home with my boys right now, and that includes my husband. I will miss my sweet students, but I also feel incredibly grateful that God has given me this opportunity. It is truly a "death to self" as you seek to make a home that can grow your family closer and closer to the original design.
Levi's continued NICU care as certainly affirmed this decision. Without going into too many details, I can tell you that his MRI was deemed "inconclusive" yesterday because he couldn't stay still long enough even with morphine. However, the images they did capture didn't show anything significant, so the doctor wants to wait until he's much better and only on the last stage of oxygen assistance before performing another MRI. Levi is scheduled to be extubated (off the vent) today and be viewed by the ENT this evening! He also may or may not have another bladder infection, but we will no for sure tomorrow. This also means that he's on more meds and off food until they can confirm it tomorrow. Little Levi has ingested more medicine into his tiny system than I've had in my lifetime. Every nurse and tech that sees him is amazed at how much "secretions" his little body makes. I know that I'm no doctor, but I can't help but think he's trapped in a vicious cycle. He can't eat by mouth until he's breathing is stable, but that means his mouth gets dry, gooey, and filled with secretions. Then he chokes and gags and can't breathe. If he could talk, I think he'd say, please give me a cup of water and I'll breathe better! Either way, God's still carrying us all through this.
Please pray for my baby boy's--
and whole Body
Thank you with all our hearts. Thank you!