Who Am I?
As a "part-time" worker and full-time mommy, I try to see the world from multiple perspectives. The greener grass and validation I'm referring to do not really have anything to do with purpose. I believe strongly that I am fulfilling a great purpose in my role as a wife and mother. I know that it's not the countless times I am wiping... wiping snotty noses, wiping watery eyes, wiping dirty bottoms, wiping sandy feet, wiping muddy hands. No.... it's not the wiping that I focus on. I know that I'm nurturing, teaching, building, and investing in life itself. And I truly love it. I know this is both a noble and essential responsibility even if I am becoming a minority in this profession. But it's the scary space in between that tears away at your confidence.
It's not a matter of too much free-time or too little demands. In fact I often wonder how much I can achieve in the short two hour afternoon nap I am gifted each day. There aren't enough hours in the day it seems, yet it's how I spend my time that has begun to trouble me. I could easily take on more projects, play dates, or professional development, but is that the best way to give my life purpose? Is it finding validation in adult interaction? Is it confirming my identity in the ability to interact in the corporate world by keeping abreast of all current news? Is it congratulating myself through the admirable service of volunteerism? Not only would it be difficult to achieve all of this with a toddler under my sole supervision, but I would be taking myself away from the calling to serve my family.
Even still, while I maintain to title of CEO of my household, if I'm not careful I begin to find my identity in my son and my husband. Both of which is neither healthy, nor fair to them.
No.... It boils down to a sincere recognition of prayerful consideration of the gift of precious moments. In this season, and it is just that--a short season--I must seek God's perfect face to give me purpose, direction, and identity. There will be days of production, days of frustration, and days of confusion. But when I am near to my Creator, I feel completely made. Opportunities will come, changes will occur, and it is how I approach those turns in my path that will define their outcome.
Whether it is the guilt of working away from your family, the struggles of working only among your family, or somewhere in between, know that whatever you do only has value if you are doing it within the perspective of thanksgiving and grace. And if it is a day where you feel your perspective is one that will affect everyone negatively, CHOOSE to change that perspective. After all, the sunrise is new each day, why can't each day be new with it?