Not everyone likes the limelight, not everyone enjoys great attention, and not many seek worldwide fame, but deep down, every single person holds a desire to be "known". Whether it's merely by a single significant other, or an entire city, we all want to be understood and loved for who we strive to portray. Social media has made "being someone" and "doing everything" much more covetous. It's the Oz behind the current: a facade we've created in our minds, which only disappoints after our striving ceases and the curtain opens.
If we buy into the notion that we must be "known" by the world, we will chase after our tails in single madness. Yet for a stay-at-home mother, the monotony can crowd your view of reality as well. There are moments that make the months worthwhile, and there are weeks that weary your means of existence.
After seven years of "new baby" preparations, I find the change of seasons satisfying and scary all at once. I no longer seem to know what I prefer. I haven't lost my deeply rooted tastebuds, but figuring out my "purpose" after so many pregnancies feels perplexing. I'm a completely different person now than I was before all these little boys came into my life. I have found a strange comfort in doctor's offices and therapy clinics, but now they no longer encompass my entire schedule. I'm not exactly an ex-con re-entering society, but I do feel a strange shift in my soul.
Of course my life isn't suddenly becoming equivalent to that of an empty-nester. I still have more than one child in diapers and many more lessons and therapeutic treatments to undergo. Many would chuckle at my mental colloquy; my life is increasingly busy, and I don't want to add anything to my plate that may take away from the sweetness of this brief season, but I also don't want my identity to become lost in the sea of scraped knees or after school activities. So it's not so much a question of huge life changes for the whole picture, but my purpose in the tiny puzzle pieces.
The Bible speaks directly into the importance of women staying busy in their own homes with their own lives lest they "become idle, going from house to house as gossip, busybodies" (1 Timothy 5:13). Thankfully, I've never cared for a life of idleness, but it's important to me that I find the right kind of busy for this season. We all have our own crosses to bear and journeys to take, but the natural desire to prepare and compare often steals my joy of living in the messy, monotonous moments. We can't just hope to stumble into significance, we must find our purpose in the individual puzzle pieces.
I providentially landed on words I wrote for a women's gathering last February, which I needed to preach to myself:
we think our significance comes from what we do, not who we are... we feel an unstated need to prove ourselves to ourselves and others by doing rather than being, which makes us weary from the working.
How fickle is the human heart? We constantly need to learn the same lessons over and over throughout our lives. I need to rest in the reassurance that if there's something more to be done today or tomorrow, God will give me that prompting. I just have to abide in Him, and find my identity, or my being "known" by Him, enough. Then, He is always faithful to provide the rest. One day at a time...
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| An unexpected "back to school" bash at our church provided the landscape to get all six of us in a photo! |
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| Silas' first injury was a mere sprained ankle from trying to Ninja up the house walls. I'm sure this is the first of many new kinds of doctor's visits. Several days later, Luca was prescribed urgent care after he walked into our dining room table! Luckily it was a simple muscle spasm. phew... |
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| Levi is a sensory kid for sure! You never known how you'll find him satisfying those tactile tendencies. |
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| Roman is proving to be "safety Steve." Much like Silas, he is quite cautious. |
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| But little Luca and his little curls, are favoring the sporadic mess of little Levi. |
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| Look who loves walking and golfing! |
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| They all love the range with daddy! |
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| His personality brightens every room! |
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| Luca just wants to be part of the party |
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| A quick overnight from Papa is always fun too! I think Levi may choose to learn guitar instead of piano like big brother Si. |
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| A mom of 8 recently told me that every little boy is the equivalent of having 2 little girls. I think I have to agree with that assertion. There's always a fine like between fun and frenzy! |
Luca is scheduled for his bronchial scope to recheck the blood clot growth off medicine, September third, please pray it goes well! And two big boys start school this week, pray for their adjustments (and mine) to a new schedule.
Puzzle pieces may be missing throughout our house, but I see my own beautiful picture coming into play.
~Puzzle Buster
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