Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Delete

Have you ever worked your heart out to get caught up on something? I mean really dug in your heels, focused, drank an extra shot of espresso, and gave up sleep to stay on top of a job? Then just as soon as you feel a little relief and celebratory dance moves begin, you accidentally delete all your work with  absolutely no hope of recovery. This happened to me when I first began teaching high school, and I thought I'd get way ahead during summer pre-planning. Almost as soon as I pat myself on the back for being so diligent during my months off, my work was gone. Even after several calls and web searches regarding recovery, I was sadly informed by the brightest minds that everything I'd toiled to accomplish had been in vain.
Last week, I felt an equivalent sense of frustrating failure. Instead of documents and lesson plans, I watched my baby boy struggle once again with losing weight due to constant diarrhea and vomiting for seemingly no reason except maybe some budding teeth and a chronic sensitive gag. To top it off, we had just finally reached the 18 pound line at his GI appointment, and I was told he was "barely hanging on to the growth chart." While I'm glad Levi's irritated stomach occurred hours after the appointment, I was still equally crushed.  I began to hormonally spiral into a pit of despair vowing that working hard to help my sickly son eat felt futile and worthless. I felt any weight gain would just be a tease, so I stressed myself through the rest of the hard week.
 
As with his entire life, Levi's journey is ever-changing day by day. Since Sunday, Levi has been back to his chipper, hungry self again, and I humbly read words from God with newfound respect.

"It is vain for you to rise up early, To retire late, To eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep." Psalm 127:2 It is God who never ceases to work and teach me, even while I rest, He grows me in humility and trust. 

"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Cor. 15:58   When I strive to accomplish something on my own strength, it is in vain. Only when I work solely for God's glory do I toil in peace. 






  We don't know what tomorrow will bring that is certain, so when no one is sick, and no one has therapy, it calls for a special day of making TY (thank you) pumpkin pie for neighbors and splurging on a solo trip to the Children's Museum. Especially since life will be changing in a little over three weeks! May I not forget when baby boy three comes home in less than a month and the exhaustion and hormones ensue, that God's mercies are new each morning. My greatest prayer is that when there are harder weeks in the near future that I would rest easy and toil only in God's perfect peace, remembering as quickly as those exhausting days arrive, they will equally vanish by beautiful memories.









~ Deleted Buster

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