It goes without saying: we don't know what we don't know. Right? We can't seem to see things in ourselves that are clearly visible in others. Why do we assume that the plank in someone's eye is only a little sawdust in our own? If we just rub our eyes once or twice, we are extremely certain we'll be able to clearly navigate others in excavating their own mammoth-sized dig. When in actuality, our vision is still completely unfocused. We are missing our own planks while simultaneously issuing unwarranted judgment.
I have felt the sting of such judgement; I've also neglected my own planks.
I'm reading a book right now about the complexities of commitment, and there's a great comparison between the military and relational problems. Tim Keller writes:
"Therefore, when facing any problem in marriage, the first thing you look for at the base of it is, in some measure, self-centeredness and unwillingness to serve or minister to the other. The word "submit" that Paul uses has its origin in the military, and in Greek it denoted a soldier submitting to an officer. Why? Because when you join the military, you lose control over your schedule, over when you can take a holiday, over when you're going to eat, and even over what you eat. To be part of a whole, to become part of a greater unity, you have to surrender your independence.
This sounds oppressive, but that's just the way relationships work. Indeed, it has been argued that that is how everything works. You must be willing to give something up before it can be truly yours. Fulfillment is on the far side of sustained unselfish service, not the near side" (The Meaning of Marriage 58-59).
Keller is speaking specifically to spousal commitment here, but I think it shows our problem with pointing out flaws in others because we've become accepting of self-centeredness. Our culture has sought to justify and promote the "me" in us all. But I believe this is only fanning the flame that already naturally exists. We fear submission, we fear selflessness, and we fear service because we worry that if we aren't looking out for ourselves, our wounds tell us that no one will. Unless you realize that someone else took on terrible wounds to heal yours and participated in the greatest act of selflessness, you'll always find a reason to be unhappy. You will always point out how others are adding to the problem, rather than focusing on your own role in it.
It can feel relatively simple to point out the problems in those closest to us.
During a recent nap/quiet time, I allowed my eldest child to read in my room so that he wasn't disturbing his little brother. Unbeknownst to me, Silas excitedly emerged to let me know that he'd done something "very nice for me." He had recently learned that I owned a small travel bag for jewelry, so Silas took it upon himself to help me "pack" for our upcoming trip. He stuffed every piece of jewelry I own in the three small zippers. My first instinct was to get upset that he was not only neglecting the point of "reading" time, but he had tangled all of my necklaces and disorganized my entire dresser.
Luckily, something in me saw his innocent motives because he sincerely thought he had acted selflessly. Whereas I thought he was selfishly avoiding nap time. (Both were probably true.) Thus, as only God could do through me, I thanked him and began to explain an analogy to express my discontent. Silas, you know how you build those great lego towers that take so much time and effort? And you know how Levi thinks he's helping you clean up by knocking them down? Well, that's very similar to this situation. In other words, thank you, but no thank you. The look on his four year-old face was priceless. His deep thought was utterly confused, yet extremely understanding. If only we could stop and see that we all quickly react to other's from our own selfish motives.
We should all join the military and put some of their practices to the test in submissive relationships, or we must pause long enough to reflect on our natural instincts and ask a great God for His Spirit to change us like only He can do.
I'm watching these boys change daily!
Thank you for praying! Levi's feet looked GREAT! No leg braces and six month leave from orthopedic doctor! Praise the Lord for continued growth.
~Military Buster
I have felt the sting of such judgement; I've also neglected my own planks.
I'm reading a book right now about the complexities of commitment, and there's a great comparison between the military and relational problems. Tim Keller writes:
"Therefore, when facing any problem in marriage, the first thing you look for at the base of it is, in some measure, self-centeredness and unwillingness to serve or minister to the other. The word "submit" that Paul uses has its origin in the military, and in Greek it denoted a soldier submitting to an officer. Why? Because when you join the military, you lose control over your schedule, over when you can take a holiday, over when you're going to eat, and even over what you eat. To be part of a whole, to become part of a greater unity, you have to surrender your independence.
This sounds oppressive, but that's just the way relationships work. Indeed, it has been argued that that is how everything works. You must be willing to give something up before it can be truly yours. Fulfillment is on the far side of sustained unselfish service, not the near side" (The Meaning of Marriage 58-59).
Keller is speaking specifically to spousal commitment here, but I think it shows our problem with pointing out flaws in others because we've become accepting of self-centeredness. Our culture has sought to justify and promote the "me" in us all. But I believe this is only fanning the flame that already naturally exists. We fear submission, we fear selflessness, and we fear service because we worry that if we aren't looking out for ourselves, our wounds tell us that no one will. Unless you realize that someone else took on terrible wounds to heal yours and participated in the greatest act of selflessness, you'll always find a reason to be unhappy. You will always point out how others are adding to the problem, rather than focusing on your own role in it.
It can feel relatively simple to point out the problems in those closest to us.
During a recent nap/quiet time, I allowed my eldest child to read in my room so that he wasn't disturbing his little brother. Unbeknownst to me, Silas excitedly emerged to let me know that he'd done something "very nice for me." He had recently learned that I owned a small travel bag for jewelry, so Silas took it upon himself to help me "pack" for our upcoming trip. He stuffed every piece of jewelry I own in the three small zippers. My first instinct was to get upset that he was not only neglecting the point of "reading" time, but he had tangled all of my necklaces and disorganized my entire dresser.
Luckily, something in me saw his innocent motives because he sincerely thought he had acted selflessly. Whereas I thought he was selfishly avoiding nap time. (Both were probably true.) Thus, as only God could do through me, I thanked him and began to explain an analogy to express my discontent. Silas, you know how you build those great lego towers that take so much time and effort? And you know how Levi thinks he's helping you clean up by knocking them down? Well, that's very similar to this situation. In other words, thank you, but no thank you. The look on his four year-old face was priceless. His deep thought was utterly confused, yet extremely understanding. If only we could stop and see that we all quickly react to other's from our own selfish motives.
We should all join the military and put some of their practices to the test in submissive relationships, or we must pause long enough to reflect on our natural instincts and ask a great God for His Spirit to change us like only He can do.
I'm watching these boys change daily!
Thank you for praying! Levi's feet looked GREAT! No leg braces and six month leave from orthopedic doctor! Praise the Lord for continued growth.
~Military Buster
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