Refuse to remain

As a young girl, I remember desperately wanting to cling to traditions, even if it meant forcing an experience that wasn't necessarily purposeful. Traditions hold beauty in one context and forced stagnation in another. I see my eldest son repeating my innocence to the point of absurdity. If we've had a particularly great experience, or an unexpected bout of laughter, Silas will try to re-live, recapture, and reminisce that moment until it no longer holds any true authenticity. His motives are sweet and innocent, but I've come to see the peril in my passing of this tradition trait.
When I was young, I loathed change. I wanted to remain in the good moments for fear that I wouldn't retain them otherwise. All I could imagine was what was right before me, and if that focal point was pleasant, or better yet, wonderful, then I must try to remain in it as long as possible. I dare say this wasn't just a part of my childhood. I've maintained this desire into adulthood.
However, as I've been forced into life's many changes, and released my clinging grip to the unexpected, I've come to see that life's best, most memorable moments, are the ones we've yet to experience. Those "favorite" memories are made through serendipitous spontaneity. There's an organic trait to each one that cannot be contrived. When you know "the best is yet to come" as you make your way closer and closer to the perfection of Heaven, you neither force past glories, nor plan future greatness. You live in the present with comfort in changing and shedding your "old" self. Only then can you see the necessity we all have in growing. When you begin to settle for complacency, or the common lie that change becomes harder with age, you have entered a sad existence.
May I never stop changing because I am here for that very purpose- to become more and more like Christ until I meet Him face to face.

We have had a tougher week at the Smith house, but it's all part of the refining. As I've reached 37 weeks and get to meet the newest little Smith in 5 days, I've also been battling strep throat, Levi with a cold, which promotes his usual throw up, and a runny nose Silas. Yet, I have been strangely at peace with it all. This is our current state, and it isn't a terrible one. We've seen worse, and we may see worse still, but right now, we are able to hopefully get this out of our systems so that we can really appreciate our youngest son in a matter of days. A lack of sleep will hopefully seem simple after the exhaustion of the past few days. Thankfully though, we were all feeling well on Matthew's 33rd birthday, and leading up to it!

Getting ready for littlest bro means Levi gets a big boy carseat!

Can't believe I get to be the lucky lady among all these precious boys! Thank you Lord!

~Remaining Buster


  1. Ben praying for y'all errday!!! Enjoy the last few weeks/days!!


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