When I go anywhere without my kids these days people sweetly stare at me and ask "when is the big day?" When I tell them I have just about a month left, they smile excitedly and then question if this is my first baby. When I tell them it's my fourth, I undoubtedly see their pupils increase in size and their breath cease for a moment. While it's fun and comical to catch someone off guard, I definitely find it strange how few people find true joy in a large compact family. I get plenty of sarcasm, pity, and unmerited advice but only occasional true joy.
The best comment I've ever received came last week at the end of a particularly long morning. I was opening the sliding door of our minivan trying to hustle and unbuckle little ones when I heard a yell from across the grocery store parking lot. "You're awesome mama! You are just beautiful! Stay encouraged!" At first I wasn't even sure I was suppose to be the recipient of the casual compliments because this older woman didn't see any of my kids or anything I had done. She didn't force me to stay and chat or give me her life story while my kids anxiously complained, nor did she ask me a single question. She simply saw a pregnant woman opening a mini-van door in her normal "mommy-attire," and she wanted to spread her joy. I think my eyes welled up as I tried to express gratitude. I will never know her name, or why she had so much pep in her step, but it was a true example of love.
I do not want to pose any motherly advice as I approach Mother's Day because the Lord knows I have only walked in these shoes a handful of years. Moreover, I think the best moms are those who don't give constant critique but continue to learn, grow, and remain humble through the years. However, I do want to archive some of what I've learned these past five years for my own growth and humility.
1. Every single child is unique. Never assume they can be categorized.
2. Remember that your children live up to your expectations. If you expect them to act like spoiled babies then they will. If you expect them to act up without a screen, they will. If you expect them to understand your expectations then they will.
3. Kids understand more than most people realize. It's never too soon assume they are understanding everything you are saying, or creating learned behavior by their natural environment.
4. Don't forget to question your doctors and nurses. I've had doctors walk into a waiting room ready to administer shots that neither my child nor myself ever needed. (Maybe this has more to do with our last name.)
5. Don't be afraid to disagree with doctors, teachers, and therapists, but do this with gentleness, respect, and advocacy.
6. You know your child better than anyone so don't always second guess yourself.
7. Learn your child. They are learning and growing every second, don't assume you don't have to keep learning with them.
8. What you do and how you live speaks much louder than what you try to say to your kids. They smell hypocrisy a mile away. If you complain, if you are selfish, if you look for ways to make life easier, if you live in front of your phone, they will do the same.
9. Just because something worked for one kid, one year, doesn't mean it will work the next year, or with the next kid. Don't be afraid to change the plans mid-moment. Nothing in this life is permanent.
10. Kids adapt pretty quickly. Don't worry that any particular phase will last forever.
11. Try to find as many opportunities to commend your kids during a day as you do correcting them. But don't try to be your child's best friend. They need a parent, not a friend.
12. Remember that unplanned time, unscheduled time, unguided time can create some of the best individual and family times.
13. Don't ever judge another parent. You have never walked in their shoes.
14. Provide healthy boundaries for your kids. And never be afraid to apologize to your child. If they think you always get it right, you've done something wrong. They need to see an example of humility.
15. Pray. Always. Every single day, multiple times a day. Pray. About everything.
Thanks to all the encouraging moms who humbly grow no matter how old their kids are today. Recognizing that we don't ever have it all figured out is the anecdote to prideful parenting.
~Happy Mother's Day!
CC
The best comment I've ever received came last week at the end of a particularly long morning. I was opening the sliding door of our minivan trying to hustle and unbuckle little ones when I heard a yell from across the grocery store parking lot. "You're awesome mama! You are just beautiful! Stay encouraged!" At first I wasn't even sure I was suppose to be the recipient of the casual compliments because this older woman didn't see any of my kids or anything I had done. She didn't force me to stay and chat or give me her life story while my kids anxiously complained, nor did she ask me a single question. She simply saw a pregnant woman opening a mini-van door in her normal "mommy-attire," and she wanted to spread her joy. I think my eyes welled up as I tried to express gratitude. I will never know her name, or why she had so much pep in her step, but it was a true example of love.
I do not want to pose any motherly advice as I approach Mother's Day because the Lord knows I have only walked in these shoes a handful of years. Moreover, I think the best moms are those who don't give constant critique but continue to learn, grow, and remain humble through the years. However, I do want to archive some of what I've learned these past five years for my own growth and humility.
1. Every single child is unique. Never assume they can be categorized.
2. Remember that your children live up to your expectations. If you expect them to act like spoiled babies then they will. If you expect them to act up without a screen, they will. If you expect them to understand your expectations then they will.
3. Kids understand more than most people realize. It's never too soon assume they are understanding everything you are saying, or creating learned behavior by their natural environment.
4. Don't forget to question your doctors and nurses. I've had doctors walk into a waiting room ready to administer shots that neither my child nor myself ever needed. (Maybe this has more to do with our last name.)
5. Don't be afraid to disagree with doctors, teachers, and therapists, but do this with gentleness, respect, and advocacy.
6. You know your child better than anyone so don't always second guess yourself.
7. Learn your child. They are learning and growing every second, don't assume you don't have to keep learning with them.
8. What you do and how you live speaks much louder than what you try to say to your kids. They smell hypocrisy a mile away. If you complain, if you are selfish, if you look for ways to make life easier, if you live in front of your phone, they will do the same.
9. Just because something worked for one kid, one year, doesn't mean it will work the next year, or with the next kid. Don't be afraid to change the plans mid-moment. Nothing in this life is permanent.
10. Kids adapt pretty quickly. Don't worry that any particular phase will last forever.
11. Try to find as many opportunities to commend your kids during a day as you do correcting them. But don't try to be your child's best friend. They need a parent, not a friend.
12. Remember that unplanned time, unscheduled time, unguided time can create some of the best individual and family times.
13. Don't ever judge another parent. You have never walked in their shoes.
14. Provide healthy boundaries for your kids. And never be afraid to apologize to your child. If they think you always get it right, you've done something wrong. They need to see an example of humility.
15. Pray. Always. Every single day, multiple times a day. Pray. About everything.
Thanks to all the encouraging moms who humbly grow no matter how old their kids are today. Recognizing that we don't ever have it all figured out is the anecdote to prideful parenting.
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| I spy a little Si dressed in white singing sweetly at school. |
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| His brothers wanted to go back to his school every day after that. |
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| Somebody wanted to show me his artistic side. |
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| Homemade donuts are only for those who can handle the sugar high. |
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| This one's capacity is still questionable. |
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| This one can handle all the sugar his heart desires. |
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| Some may call them weeds, but my boys bring me flowers daily. |
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| His own homebuilding design. |
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| I spy two little guys. |
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| I love new library books; it provides the longest stretch of quiet without mischief. Thanks to my eldest son's exposure and love of books, my littles have followed in his footsteps. |
~Happy Mother's Day!
CC
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