Coffee CubBuster

Just before Levi was born, I had been co-leading a woman's Bible study about a Jennie Allen book called Restless . This was the first time I'd been asked to help lead anything with the exception of normal teacher-student responsibilities. While a little nervous, Jennie Allen's book increased my interest because I could relate to the content perfectly.  Prior to Levi's dramatic entrance into the world, I felt very restless. I kept trying to increase any free time I had with important obligations even though I had pretty much filled my calendar to the point where I'd even plan "down time" in order to observe it.  While I've always been someone who valued parenting, spontaneous adventures, and quiet hours, I also felt a restlessness with regard to how to fill my time. Once I felt like I figured out the "mom" thing, I was ready for the next challenge. It's beyond laughable to think that we ever have anything "figured out." In my ow

I was recently sent a video that a friend knew I'd appreciate; I only wish I had every email address of every single doctor and nurse that ever really cared for Levi during the first four and a half months of his life. I hope somehow that you will see this and know how often we have and still thank God for you! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3F4I5oJzBH4 It's so important to remember what we've through. Too often we forget the joy of living each day. We think too much about getting to the next vacation, better holiday, or easier phase. Each day we breathe, we are witnessing a miracle. And it's crazy how many of us have gone through similar struggles, and we don't realize it. We don't walk around publicizing our hurdles or hardships. But if we held a banner with everything that has touched us deeply, I think we'd see how very much we have in common with the each other. When you see someone's heart, they feel a little more like family you want to love.

When Matthew and I went on our very first date, we (of course) went to the movies and saw The Notebook . Obviously he was interested in me since he was willing to see such a chic flick in a public theater. While it's not my all-time favorite movie, there's a single line in it that I love. When Noah and Allie are aging, and Noah is being warned by the doctor that his wife's dementia is irreversible, and reading her their own personal love story will not spark personal memories, Noah responds, "You know what they say doc, science only goes so far, then comes God." I think this statement helps me understand my little Levi a bit better too. It's easy for women to look at both their vocation, spouses and their children as things we are supposed to change, fix, or grow. It's up to us to make people better and teach them how to do that. Not only is this a terrible way to approach anything, but it's absolutely backwards. I have found that the exact opposite

I was a little over six months pregnant when Levi joined our lives, and now my little Levi is "technically" (as opposed to correctionally) six months old. I remember having a friend come over to take a six month photo shoot of Silas two years ago, which makes me feel a bit guilty. Then I remember that we are the ones who place "norms" on timelines. Every doctor, nurse, and therapist echo a few things about Levi in unison: he's gaining weight beautifully, he makes exceptional eye contact and social interest, and he is the one who gets to set his own pace with regard to milestones, not a timeline. If only we'd all stop putting pressure on ourselves to follow a "standard" timeline for every aspect of our lives. If only we'd all give ourselves a break to walk at our own pace.  Our days pace naturally to an ebb and flow of highs and lows, but then, we are given an abrupt awakening, literally, that keeps us on our knees. Two nights ago I woke to

We all think a bit too highly of ourselves in my opinion. I'm realizing more and more that pride and unmet expectations create the most unrest in our lives. Without recognizing their presence, however, they continue to destroy days, months, seasons, and even relationships. Kyra and I had some similarities in our parenting styles and our non-mainstream ideals. With her passing, I wonder and watch how her girls are coping with the small changes and with the grand ones. I find myself clenching at the idea that my own children could be raised without me. But they NEED me! Don't they? No.... not really. This doesn't mean that I should keep on the bathrobe, throw some goldfish on the floor and watch movies all day. Of course God has granted me the honor of helping guide and foster my children, but in reality, it's a gift and a privilege to help grow them into adults if I'm given such a grandeur of time. When others come to love, care, and teach my children, I don'

There are days that I miss her something fierce, but then again there were days like that when she was here on Earth because she was usually a continent away. Yet, the idea that a Facetime or phone call was always an option put my heart at ease. Yet, I continue to thank God for the lessons Kyra taught me that resound in my current memory. When she heard the term "clean diet" this summer, she asked me to explain the fad to her. After a brief blundering definition, she said, "Katie, that's just how everyone eats in Italy." She loved her Italian home because God gave her a heart for it, but also because it was easy to live simply and purely. While she commented on the filth of the Roman city quite often, she also loved walking everywhere and learned to love the long-established rituals of olden days, including hanging her linens to dry, kneading dough, and buying fresh ingredients for each day's consumption.  I remember her telling me that having three girl